Weather The Days

Rising to the incessant beeping of my alarm clock, 
I slap it off, and then twist around, dropping my feet to the floor
As I sit up and gaze groggily out the window.

Ever the faithful companion, my dog brushes up against my leg,
Greeting me before lying down and rolling over for a belly rub.
To her, life is simple.

Looking across the morning sky, I see dark clouds loom overhead,
Reaching from the distant mountaintops to my high balcony railing.
Heavy drops of rain pelt the grass, saturating the earth
As others drum rhythmically upon the glass that keeps me dry.

It matters not how gray the day begins,
For my first waking thoughts are of the lady who is my sunrise.
While I do not find her at my side just yet,
She nonetheless feels as close as my heart.

It puzzles me, given that I can recall none of my dreams,
Why do my feelings for her consume me to an extent
Such that they rule my mind from the first second of the day?

The loving thoughts that I have for this lady
Persist throughout the day, only to be challenged
By questions I’ve asked myself time and again
For the situation I’m in is all too familiar.

Not just a man looking for a woman to love and be loved by,
It is the essence of loving someone that is the source of my passion.
Of this woman who has captured my heart, I know how I feel.
I remind myself that for such a feeling to be true
It must also be shared and not simply mine to explore.

Unfortunately, what companionship has been shared, 
Although feeling so natural, so comfortable, so right,
Is largely empty of any reason to believe it real.
I see what I want to see, I feel what I want to feel.
I walk a one-way path rather than a two-way street.
Nothing is new except for this woman who has entered my life.
The experience and feelings are similar, yet more mature.
I try to convince myself that I have learned from the past.
Still, the street is more familiar than I want to admit.

Every time I climb into my car or go for a walk,
I think about my past, my present, 
And where I want my future to be.
I tell myself “Never again.”

Never again will I be so gullible.
Never again will I allow my passion to rule my mind.
Never again will I let my foolish heart run amok.
Never again will I pursue a woman beyond my reach.

I look out the window and see the setting sun; night has fallen.
The storm of emotions that came this day has subsided
And with my mind now calming, I wonder if I will dream tonight?
As my eyes close and I drift off to sleep, I have a thought…

Again, of her.
Again, I smile.
Again, I wonder, when will I give up?

I remain forever, the hopeless romantic, a fool for love.

© AMBRESS, October 2004

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